I Tried to Carry On, I Really Did
by all u need is books
Summary: Baz turns soft the day Agatha breaks up with Simon, and they both open up to each other a bit more than usual. Getting over Simon is a lot harder than Baz expected it to be.


In this version, Agatha dumps Simon before she starts crushing on Baz, so Simon doesn't go through the story feeling like Baz stole her from him. Not much of a change, but since this couldn't have happened in the canon, I felt that something had to be changed for this to occur. 30.8.18 edit: the tenses were set in order.

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Everyone has heard about Simon Snow getting dumped. He's the Heartthrob Chosen One (™) after all, any word about him spreads like wildfire. (It's not just Baz saying he's a heartthrob. It's widely agreed on.) (Though perhaps Baz agrees more than most.) The rumours said that she wasn't all that harsh, but they had to have started with someone, and clearly that enthusiastic someone wasn't Simon.

A part of Baz wanted to hurt Agatha for the hurt and humiliation she'd caused Simon. Another part of him wanted to thank her for ending the torture that was the sight of Baz's own love in her hands. A different part of him, the Sensible Pitch part, the one who's aware of being a disappointment, the one who knows he isn't going to continue the Pitch bloodline, hated the two previous ones, as well as many, many other parts that made him, well, himself.

In the end, the heir to Pitch couldn't help but worry for the Mage's heir, as much as he wanted not to care. So when Simon came into their room early that day, faking sleep hours before it could have been believable, Baz decided to let it go. Just this once, he wouldn't step on Snow's wounds.

He quietly studied on his side of the room. At some point he thought Snow actually fell asleep, because he finally started moving around in his bed. (Does Simon think he could fake sleep without moving? Does he really think Baz doesn't know how restless he is in his sleep?) (On the other hand, Baz isn't complaining. If Snow knew the sheer amount of hours Baz had spent watching him sleep, well… the both of them wouldn't be able to make eye contact for the remaining years they have on Watford.)

He watches the beautiful boy sleep now. (Even monsters deserve a bit of self indulgence, don't they?) (Also, should he wake him up? Snow wouldn't be able to sleep at night if Baz let him keep sleeping. On the other hand, he'd have to wake him up in a terribly cruel manner to keep up his facade of hatred towards poor Simon, and well… Simon had suffered enough.)

The boy Baz has been fantasising about since age 12 tangled his feet in his blanket, as if kicking in his dream. He rolls on his bed, facing the vampire now. Baz's eyes are quickly drawn to Snow's open, mouth-breather lips. God, his lips. He wasn't sure if it was the shade or the shape or… fuck it. It was everything about them. Merlin, the things he would do to those lips.

Basilton had to stop right there, before his thoughts got out of hand. He decided he'll go to dinner, go hunting, then get ready to sleep.

Simon stretched his arms above his head, and his shirt rode up, revealing a patch of skin of the fairest shade of gold. (Stay strong, Baz. You can do this.)

Basilton left to eat, whether he'd wanted to or not. By the time he came back, Snow has stopped rolling around, and it was clear he was no longer sleeping. Baz showered and put on his pajama silently. He had assumed Snow wouldn't bother him in his heartbroken state, but he was wrong.

"What poor soul got eaten tonight?"

'I don't know what you're talking about' was on the tip of Baz's tongue, the usual denial of his vampirism. He could say 'The goatherd', too, because the idiot might actually believe that. That would really piss him off. But Snow's voice sounded hoarse, from what Baz could only assume had been crying. A heartstring was tugged within him, and he told him the truth.

"I'd never eat a human."

"Pfft. All monsters could say that."

What a douchebag. Baz wasn't intending to open up to him again.

"Why should I believe you?"

The vampire kept silent, crawling into his bed.

"You're just trying to make the good people around here let their guard down. You and the old families would do anything to take control back from The Mage. Especially you, with your…" mother, he would have said, but he trailed off, seemingly realising what a douchebag he's being.

"Using vampirism would be against everything my family stands for, especially my mother." Anger was leaking into his voice. Of all people, he'd expected Snow to be better than this. Kinder.

"So you're admitting you're a vampire?" really? That's all he has to say?

Baz kept silent, facing the wall, until he fell asleep.

The next morning he was relieved. Snow was simply not as good as he seemed, and Baz got to be snapped out of all this "love" bullshit just in time. Not to mention, Snow didn't wake up in too-early-am this morning, being too tired after twisting his sleep cycle the way he did, and Baz got to be the asshole slamming the bathroom door and dragging his feet to make himself more noisy.

The look of shock on Snow's face when he saw the clock would have been endearing a day ago, but now, Snow seemed just as useless as Baz kept pretending he was over the years. Finally, Baz's heart has been released.

He was nearly out of the door when he caught sight of a shirtless Simon looking at him. He licked his lips before he could control himself, and forced himself to look away. Don't turn weak now. You've got this. You're getting over him.

"Baz, I've been thinking…"

"Congratulations." Baz snapped, snarling. He looked back at Simon, trying his best to keep his eyes from going lower than Snow's blue, mundane ones.

Snow grimaced, then shook his head. "I'm… I'm sorry for yesterday. I was a total douche. Like, I know what it's like to grow up without a mother, and it must be shit to be a vampire when your mom was killed by ones… so I'm sorry for, you know, making you talk about it. And… w-well, ah," the beautiful boy started rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment, if only to add more cuteness to his already endearing stutter, "thanks for going easy on me yesterday. Y-you could've been awful, but, you weren't." So he did notice. "And holding yourself from eating people all the time, even though you want to, that must be hard, and…" In the back of his head, Baz realised that Simon might have misinterpreted his hunger for him as a more literal type of hunger, but the front of his head was too busy being in awe. "What I'm trying to say is, you're not as bad as I thought you were. You're even kinda admirable." His head was down, and he smiled sheepishly, his brown-gold curls hanging over his eyes as he looked up to Baz.

What now? Uhhhh… threat! Threat. Threats are good. I'll just ruin the moment before I fall apart.

"Don't stretch your luck. Anathema might interpret it as receiving a meal if I feed on you in your sleep." His already flimsy threat didn't deliver at all, because in his stupor his voice ended up too gentle, and he didn't manage to snarl.

Simon took it as a joke, his short laugh ringing through the air like wind chimes, and his smile lighting up his face. He seemed surprised by Baz's streak of kindness, yet he looked at the vampire with a twinkle in his eyes, as if he was looking at something good, something that wasn't an abomination, just a boy who made him laugh. He gave Baz a pat on the shoulder and turned to get dressed, his bare back and hair shining gold in the morning light coming through the window.

Baz left the room with butterflies in his stomach, and with traitorous hopes along the lines of "single", "smiled to me", "called me admirable", and so on.

Shit.


End file.
